Oye! Lucky! Lucky! Oye!

No, This post is not about the movie or its inspiration.
It is about how I feel each time I cross someone who makes me feel lucky that I am not in his/her shoes.

Everyday when I climb the steps of the Kanjurmarg Station, I wish that beggar-woman, with a child in bandages, on the staircase would just vanish and her wails would just die out. Even as I stand at the platform waiting for my train, my ears can hear her cries as a distant din. I try to ignore it and pretend as if I am deaf. I am relieved that I haven't seen her in the past few days. I don't know what has happened to her. Hope it's something good.

When I reach Dadar, there inevitably is another beggar, a crippled one, sitting right in between the crowded foot-over-bridge. Sometimes I drop in change to him.

Day-in-and-day-out I see fellow commuters with some disability or the other. Who knows how many people out there in the world are sufferening - silently going on with their routine.

Then, comes the thought of those living on daily wages or doing all sort of obscure jobs for a living.

These sights and thoughts make me feel so blessed and lucky and I often say a small prayer to the good Lord watching us from up above - for the well being of the under privledged and for giving me such a beautiful life.

I feel blessed to have a family, a home, friends, good education, a respectable job (not that others' aren't) and an easy life.

And it makes all those other complaints of being underpaid and over worked just vanish.

Kankar Pathar Jor Kar....

Ayodhya was all over the place today.

It was there on the street in the form of Police bandobast; it was there on the internet with Nirmohi Akhada becoming the most Googled term for the day; it was there on office desks with me and my desk neighbour discussing if a 'Ram Rahim Hospital' at the disputed site would be a plausible solution; it was there on the media with Barkha Datt conducting a debate and instigating the masses to create an issue out of a closed matter (i.e. after the verdict was out); it was there on the office emails with advisories to leave work early; it was there in my mind in the form of the lines from a famous song 'mazhab nahin sikhata, aapas mein bair rakhna'; it was there in the courts in the form of a verdict from the High Court of Allahabad.

After a day full of religious brouhaha, I am reminded of these couplets by Kabir

कांकर पाथर जोर के, मस्जिद लिया चुनाय।
ता चढ़ि मुल्ला बांग दे, क्या बहरा हुआ खुदाय?

माला फेरत जुग भया, फिरा न मन का फेर ।
कर का मन का डार दे, मन का मनका फेर ॥

मोको कहाँ ढूंढे रे बन्दे,
मैं तो तेरे पास में
ना तीरथ में
ना मूरत में
ना एकांत निवास में
ना मन्दिर में , ना मस्जिद में
ना काबे कैलास में
ना मैं जप में , ना मैं तप में
ना मैं बरत उपवास में
ना मैं किरिया करम में रहता
न ही जोग सन्यास में
न ही प्राण में न ही पिंड में
ना ब्रह्माण्ड अकास में
ना मैं प्रकुति प्रवर गुफा में
न ही स्वसन की स्वांस में
खोजी होए तुरत मिल जाऊं
इक पल की तलास में
कहत कबीर सुनो भाई साधो
मैं तो हूँ विस्वास में.

Why do I write?

This ain't a famous blog. There hardly is any audience to my posts. Yet, I write. And I write quite regularly, except for those moments when I am very happy or very depressed (and don't have time or don't feel like writing).

I write because I just love to see how simple sentences take form of a big paragraph. How my thoughts translate to words. And to my amazement, many-a-times, when I read my own writitings, I feel good.

I developed interest in writing in my Tenth grade. I used to love 'Interact in English' course. The notices, advertisements and memos used to be tests of my creativity. And this love for words stayed on.

So I write. Mindlessly. Aimlessly. And for no audience.

I write for myself!

To be or not to be

We often face dilemma. At times its forced upon us. And, we feel we would have been better off if we never had choices in the first place.
Choices empower you. It is such an overwhelming experience.
They also make life miserable. While on one hand we are excited to take a stand, on the other we also dread making a wrong choice. It is like a sword hanging on you head all the time.

In the past two weeks, I have felt miserable, joyous, thrilled, depressed, confused, sorted and puzzled. All at the same time.

A while back I had made a simple choice, and I was pretty satisfied with what I had on hand. And suddenly over the last two weeks, I saw myself embroiled in this big mess which made me just go ZAP! It felt I would just throw up any moment. There seemed to be no metric which could help me make the right decision. But, there WAS NO right or left, let aside wrong. I just needed to decide.

It was one of the most important and most thought after decision I would have ever made in my life.

All thanks to certain external agents whose ethics I question, and who had put me in a position to question my ethos.

Thank God! am all sorted now.
I am at peace.

A lesson from a cook

I crib a lot.
On various issues.
I often find myself underpaid, overworked, underutilised, over strained, underestimated, etc etc etc. More often than not things get down to money and the salaries we draw. We hardly think about the innumerable gifts that we are enjoying in our current lives.

The very reason am writing this post today is my small chat with my cook today.

A stone faced lady, that she is, Chhayabai was in a little talkative mood today. So, while I made myself a cup of hot milk she asked me about my family and other generic stuff. I chipped in to ask her about her children and pat came the reply "dono ghar pe rehte hain pagalon ki tarah". This wasn't the reply that I had expected. Then she told me her story. She has two children and both suffer from mental disorders. She told me that her daughter has problem with her memory and does not remember anything, so she is home. Then she told me the story of her son. Probably a guy of my age, may be a little younger. He was a normal schhol going kid till the age of twelve. And then he met with a rail accident after which he has not been able to walk properly. While she told me her tale of sorrow I was constantly looking in her eyes to find that moist corner. I could already feel the goosepimples on my hands, but her eyes remained dry.
They had a sparkle, on the contrary.
She was telling me how bright a student her son was. That they had put him in a good English Medium school and had arranged computer lessons for him. She was probably reliving those happy days as she narrated me the story.
I didn't know how to react. In the entire conversation, not once did she try to evoke sympathy for us.
For once, I realised the true meaning of an essay I had written long time back in school - "Health is Wealth". My father had asked me to add these closing lines : Health is Wealth, but Wealth certainly is not Health.

The song goes...Jai Ho, but whose???

When I saw Danny Boyle's Slumdog Millionaire, never in my dreams could I have imagined that it would sweep the Oscars. Good, that it did! And better that it brought laurels to the various Indian artistes and technicians. But then it should stop at this. I think Danny, as a film-maker, did a fantastic job to show it to the world how poor the country is (and we all loved him for this) and, we don't actually don't need to go overboard and tell the World "Suno Suno!!! Hum Gareeb Hain. We are still the good 'ol land of snake charmers and beggars".

When I read a recent statement by Azhar's (the kid in the movie) mother after Gerard Butler's visit to their shanty - “Humne suna hai ki woh paanch lakh dene wale hai Azhar ke naam pe” I was shocked. This, when Danny Boyle is already funding Azhar and Rubina's education and has even bought them houses.

Agreed that the families are poor, but whatever happened to those things called dignity and self respect. I wonder if it would not be better that they focussed on developing their children's future than stuffing money in their pockets, only to spend it all on the vices. That would be the real Jai Ho!!
Guess what Congress has to say to this.... After all this was their election Anthem!! Am sure there are many Azhar's and Rubina's waiting to see the zariwala aasman out there....

हजारों ख्वाहिशें ऐसी....

It could be called serendipity! Today morning when I plugged the earphones into my ear canal, the first song that my cell played of a random lot of some hundred songs was "hazaaron khwahishein aisi" from the movie by the same name.

What else could have been a bigger coincidence that the theme of this movie was based on what we are seeing in Mumbai now.... I get goosepimples when I hear these beautiful and yet so very powerful words in a poem that goes alongside the song...

"A thousand desires such as these

A thousand moments to set this night on fire

Reach out and you can touch them

You can touch them with your silences

You can reach them with your lust

Rivers, mountains, rain

Rain against a torrid hillscape

A thousand desires such as these

I loved rain as a child

As a lost young man

Empty landscapes bleached by a tired sun

And then

Suddenly it came like a dark unknown woman

Her eyes scorched my silences

Her body wrapped itself around me like a summer without end

Pause me, Hold me Reach me where no man has gone

Crossing the seven seas

With the wings of fire, I fly towards nowhere

And you; Rivers, mountains, rain

Rain against the scorched landscape of pain

A thousand desires such as these......

हजारों ख्वाहिशें ऐसी के हर ख्वाहिश पे दम निकले

बहुत निकले मेरे अरमान लेकिन फ़िर भी कम निकले"

Lessons I learnt - From friends & foes

1. You are Welcome
Whenever I am on the chat on Gtalk and I say thanx (in its various forms like thnx, Thanks, etc.) a friend of mine would always make it a point to respond back immediately with a "welcome" and a smiley :). This I felt is such a nice gesture. You feel Good after this....that the person whom you are thanking actually values it !!!

2. Smile
This I read somewhere is the most contagious disease. You smile and people smile back. Feels good at the morning.

3. Hi Sudeep
Always address people by their names. They will feel special. This friend of mine, I am not taking names lest i might be infringing on IPRs, would always address me as "Hi Sudeep"....and I know wat it feels like....Try it out someime

4. Thanks
This is the most abused word...though the most kind also. And whether its accepting a compliment or is getting some work done, this comes handy.... I use it profoundly, but sensibly....

5. Lukkhe

This is something which we used during our Engg days....My bunch of friends there...we wud often address each other...I dunno wat it means exactly, but its litereal meaning is not what everybody would like..but to us it was and still is (How can I forget calls from two of my close friends...one of which cursed me for sending "that" news thru an SMS...thought its a separate story that even she did not give me "the" news......) ya...it is a sweet way to address.....How I miss those dayz !!

Thank You friends... Thank You all......(I had thought of writing names....but hten i might be doing injustice to those whose names I forget to write...so I am better-off this way !!!

Confessions of a failue !!! (Am I a failure??? Nahhhhhh)

Okay, I admit that the post below was a result of my frustration !!!! But that is it. Something happened to frustrate me. Nothing more to confess. But I believe, what is written is actually quite true....And I can bet that you wouldn't deny !!! May b its a generalization.....but who cares ??

The Bitter Truth

There are three types of people you come across. One - who are your real friends and have been there through your thick and thin, two - who are your psuedo friends - who proclaim to be so, praise you a lot and get their work done and vanish after that till the time they need you again and three - who are not even worth that ...

A friend once while making a presentation said, "Money makes the world go round and round"...and with what my experience with life has been, I am of the opinion that your demand at the time of crises makes the world go round and round about you.

That moment you are the most helpful and the most creative person on earth, and as soon as it gets over ...you know what happens !!!!

So when people come to you and say, Yaar Sudeep....Mujhe se ho nahin raha...Tu to bada creative hai... You know what they are actually thinking.....Bakra mila......Phasa lo.....Phas Jayega....

And that moment You feel so important, You hold yourself in such high esteem.... Of course, you have it in you, and the other guy doesn't, just that you are utilising your time on the right thing but for the wrong person....

The world revolves around selfishness......that is the centre of all activities..... and if it was not so I would not have been writing this post, aand even after knowing my thought people would not have been coming to me for help..... not those at least who come only during when they need your help...rest of the time you don't even exist for them !!